you're a mystery yourself

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

11:46 PM

Had a great meal with Char & JX at tuckshop today. Food was good and the company was great. Had so much fun just chatting & sharing with each other. Thank God for such wonderful friends that not only understands but goes through both the good & the bad as well.

Will be turning 19 in just a little over 2 months.

Have been putting quite some thought into what I really want to do with the time I have ahead. There are dreams & desires that are and will be left unshared. Even so, one thing's for sure. I want to make the best use of this life, esp my youth!

Grabbing opportunities as they come my way, explore places, try new things & just give myself more space & opportunity to grow. To open these eyes to new people and adventures. Just to experience them & understand that along this way, I'll become the person that I know I can and want to be.

I know that I'm young & that I'll make mistakes, but shouldn't we all have something to live & chase after for? Adulthood is not a given. No one can or should give it to you. Neither is it something that comes with age. Adulthood is something that we have to grow & mature into. Knowing that as I grow, I'll know myself better, have a clearer vision of my future & just live everyday with greater purpose, joy & happiness.

It's not self-indulgent or wasting my life away but a call to have my own shot at life. To have the freedom to try. Freedom to love the things I love. Freedom to make mistakes.

So many people live their life working hard, trying and giving up. Eventually, they just end up getting lost, settling for the very least & become, not unhappy but just, plain mediocre.

I don't want an unfulfilled life of regret, always wondering or constantly feeling so limited & defeated. Even if I do make mistakes, at least I know that they are my own and after which, at least I'll find greater courage to overcome them right?

I'll always honor & be eternally grateful for the things that I have but chasing a dream, a good & true dream, doesn't mean selfishness or forsaking these things. It just means u treasure, learn, keep what's true & just become a better person.

Feel so over-protected, naive and unaware. The world is so big and having lived for 19 years, I have tried little and have nothing to account for. Something must have went wrong somewhere. I'm gonna live differently and more powerfully from now on. Enough of allowing fear, doubt & confusion to lead my life. I'll take & create my own chances. U never know how high u can fly until u flap your wings right?

I don't need understanding, I don't need blessings, I don't even need support. I just need trust. A word unspoken & so rarely given. However, even without it, I will still go my own way. Only time will tell whats right and whats wrong. Decisions last a lifetime.

&the beauty.

What you see, is what you get.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

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